ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize