I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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