Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
