You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
