I got chris browned last night
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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