His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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