She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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