I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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