We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
