We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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