You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
