Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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