I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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