I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
