I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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