So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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