Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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