I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she pinky promised me she was 18
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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