tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
