I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
