im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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