..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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