a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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