if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize