in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
