I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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