i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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