Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
