the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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