Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
