wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
