you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
