wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
