New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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