Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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