I wanna passion pit in your ass
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
