I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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