After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
