Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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