Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
