It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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