Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
