Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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