Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
