Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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