You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
