she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
