A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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