i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
