You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
