I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
