i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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