guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
