it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
