and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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