pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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