Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
someone owes me an orgasm
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger