I'm pants shitting drunk right now
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.