Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way