yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.