I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.