watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
