Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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