he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
