Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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