last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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