I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
