Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize