u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
