Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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