Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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