I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
