I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
