Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
