Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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