How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
