I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
