Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
