umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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