So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
