glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
