3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
