I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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