How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
