I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Boobs speak an international language.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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