just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
