i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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