i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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