AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
