Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i've created a new STD.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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